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ARCHIVES: Page 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1 | MAIN
Name: Mari
E-Mail:
AIM:
01:36:16 09/27/03
Comments:
Jay~
I want you to know that I love you and I still miss you and think about you every day. Everyone loves you so much. You are still a big part pf my life. Love and miss you always. Love,
Mar
Name: JEN VANDERWALL
E-Mail: Vanders83@hotmail.com
AIM:
17:39:22 09/24/03
Comments:
Justin~
I knew you,from a few classes. we talked a few times and made fun of eachother a lot and in gym class we had a blast hitting eachother with the puck in hockey. It was all good fun. You were a great and funny guy! When I heard about this a while back I didn't believe this could of happend. It was a big shock. You meant a lot to your friends and still do I just wish you could of seen that. Now you are in a better place now. I just wish i could of been better friends with you. Hey it can happen when i see you in heaven when it is my time. keep an eye on all your friends from up there justin from what i see they miss you and care a lot about you. Rest in Peace Justin Dodge. we had some good memories. well little ones but some that i can think of and will always remember. see you when i get up there. RIP
Jen Vanderwall
Name: lindsay ruiz
E-Mail: holataluvin000@aol.com
AIM:
22:34:22 09/22/03
Comments:
hey babayy, well geez their has been soo much going on in my life lately and u know im not the one to go and tell people about my probs... so i just come to you in my prayers. Ive been thinking about you so much lately well i think about you pretty much every day.. but just more than usual , i see images of you sometimes in my head and i just feel so empty.. i just miss you so much.. everything about you... Love you Always, Lindsay
Name: Ash
E-Mail:
AIM: crash2620
12:55:35 09/22/03
Comments:
Jay-- Hey babe... can u believe where I'm typing this from? Haha college... WOW. It's so weird... but I'm adjusting but i miss home...I haven't written to you in several weeks, but I talk to ya every night so I guess it's ok right? Well... I guess I just felt like giving an extra reminder of how much I love and miss you... I'm going back to HC this weekend... it's been 2 yrs since we were all spose to go... haha Cat and Mike... what a joke! Anyways... I miss you J and I love you even more... <3Ash
Name: Malerie
E-Mail:
AIM:
17:20:45 09/21/03
Comments:
heyy hunny bunny :) ... just wanted to say hi, i havent written in quite awhile..been a lil busy round here..i have weird dreams about you all the time and i call dana at least once a week freakin out and tellin her about em haha .. you come across my mind several times throughout the day and it makes me regret even more how we didnt keep in touch as much the last year, but im glad i got to see you when i did ..ive been doin some decorating around my house and i hung up alot of pictures of everyone over the past few years..your in a few of them :)...well imma get goin, take care :) love ya :) "mal-ca-poo" :)
Name: a friend
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03:47:37 09/20/03
Comments:
Hey Jay. The other night you came up in conversation and I just wanted to let you know that I meant everything I said about you. I wish I could have the chance to party with you. We never really did much of that. Guess we were still pretty young when we hung out. Well I miss you man. You were a great friend.
Name: Its just me :)
E-Mail:
AIM:
14:04:56 09/16/03
Comments:
No Farewell Word Were Spoken
No Time To Say Good-Bye
You Left Before We Knew It
And Only God Knows Why...
~Thinking of You, and Missing You every day of my life!
Name: lindsay ruiz
E-Mail: holataluvin000@aol.com
AIM:
00:07:50 09/08/03
Comments:
hey babyyy, i wonder how ur doin up there. I was in Chicago this weekend visiting Jen and i saw tons of pictures of you.. and dang did ya look good :)I just started thinking of what an awesome person you were.. well are. I miss you man sooo much and so does everyone else.. i seriously think about u probably more than you would have ever imagined..me,nat, n jen started talking about how u shaved chad's eyebrow off and we were just dying laughing! ur the best man... I love youuuuuu.. R.I.P J.... Love Always Lindsay Ruizz
Name: *
E-Mail:
AIM:
11:46:01 09/01/03
Comments:
In regards to everything that is posted on here, I agree that this is a remembrance site. Everyone asking Justin for help needs to stop. You turn to God for help because He is the one that can help you through your problems. You ask God for the strength to get through such tragedies. Asking Justin to help keep his friends in line isn't going to make it happen. His friends are the ones that need to stop the fighting because they are the ones that control their actions. Justin does not have any power over any of his friends. Whether his friends are making good choices or poor choices that lead them in the wrong path...well, that is their own doing. We are all responsible for ourselves, and us alone. Yes, we can have some type of effect on another individual; however, the choices we make are our own decision and a reflection of ourselves. If Jay's friends are too immature to get along and let stupid things get in the way, then maybe they don't deserve a friendship anyway. I agree that Justin's death split up many friendships...and it was NOT fair to any one of us. But now using Justin as an excuse to why people have become so careless or heartless is all BS. You are the only one that has the authority to tell your brain what to think and to either give strength to yourself or allow negative ideas flow into your head and corrupt you.
I was a very close friend of Justin, and I pray for all of us every day and night: family, friends, acquaintences, anyone who was affected by him. However, that's the best I can do. I, myself, am trying to stay on track, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I try to stay in contact with everyone and make sure that they are okay. Some people treat me as if I'm not important enough though. Ya know, Jay's service was a wake up call. No one knew what they had until it was gone; many still don't. But when I lend a helping hand, don't shun me away or any of the people that care about you in your life for that matter. You NEVER know what anyone is thinking, nor do you know how long any of us have here. Many people have forgotten what their priorities are and how they should treat people. Many have also turned to either drugs or alcohol as an escape to their problems. It doesn't work, though, does it? It's temporary, and then all the horrible memories come back. PLEASE talk to your friends, family; etc if something is bothering u. Don't let yourself go downhill and not do anything about it. We only get one life; CHERISH IT.
None of us deserve the pain and emptiness we feel inside...it should still be like the night of Justin's service with everyone at Aurelio's being able to laugh and be there for each other. What happened?*God bless you all, RIP Justin*
Name: LEXI
E-Mail:
AIM:
00:49:25 09/01/03
Comments:
my just-
gosh i miss you so much. things have been pretty rough lately, well now that i think about it, they have been for a while. you need to be here for your friends. we all need you to keep us in line and no track. bc it has been nothing but headache, tears, and drama...gosh i hate all those things. i have been having these dreams of you and i lately. it feels so real and then i wake up and i am dissapointed. justin i dont want to feel this way forever. i was telling becca the other day that i just simply miss you and need you. everyone does babe. sorry it has been a while since i wrote but you know ur in my thoughts always. it is just kind of hard to even come to this web page and hear dave mathews playing in the background. i used to always be able to turn to ricky to talk thingd through with him but lately, i have just kind of been bottling everything up inside. gosh everyone is just so "salty" lately. its like there is something in the air i guess, cuz its fucking with everyone. lately i honestly can say that my music is my only true friend. as insane as that sounds, i know you know what i mean. me and my "shitty ass music"...ahh but i love it. so i got the new saves the day cs before it even came out in the stores! sad to say, im not a big fan of it right now. maybe it will just take some time...i mean they are my number one, theres always room for a second chance in my eyes. i needed you last night to go to my uncles wedding with me. i know you would have been there in a second and with the biggest smile on your face. oh i found this picutre of you, me, and i think dom the other day at gregs frat. it is so adorable. its from after prom, in wisconsin. it was the night i had my puffy luffy tied to my sweatshirt. we looked SOO HAPPY, which of course we were....ahhh super adorable. i gotta go babe...BARAMU alwyas and forever...i love you more than anything.x0x0x~ your lex
Name: lindsay ruiz
E-Mail: holataluvin000@aol.com
AIM:
17:23:28 08/29/03
Comments:
hello sweetheart, so im writing again.. haha.. thats alright though i guess it shows ya just how much i think about you.. not that i dont when i havent written.. well neways.. me and chrissy were on the phone two nights ago for like 3 hours.. and we began to somehow get into the subject of you. We talked about you for atleast an hour. She told me about the night i left when u shaved Chad's eyebrows off haha and she told me their was this foreign exchange student at your house and he called her "genie in a bottle" hahah and u guys were dying laughing! God i can just picture that in my head, you egging him on and everything. She told me about the day that she found out and she didnt beleive it. I remember the exact moment i was told.. i got a call at about 3 in the morning and my cell phone was off.. bing came over to my house before school and told me the news.. at first i was in complete shock and i really didnt beleive it.. it didnt hit me at all at first.. then when i went to school and saw Krystle i just burst out in tears.. me and her cried in the hallway for atleast a half hr until a teacher came and brought us into PPs. J i will neverrr in my whole life forget that feeling. I cant help but to think of all the memories we shared together and how i cherish them sooo much. I would give anything to have you back again. Even though we werent as close as we used to be i never thought you would be gone.. i just thought i could always just go down my street and see you smile and laugh with you for hours. I wish i could have been there then J... i wish.. i wish.. i wish. I pray for you as much as i can and in some way i feel that ur there in my dreams or just watching over me.. atleast i hope so..I will never forget you... I love ya more than words can say man... ill see you sooon .. LoveAlways and Forever.. Lindsay ruiz
Name: Tiff
E-Mail:
AIM:
16:14:25 08/27/03
Comments:
Hey Justin,
I hate not having u hear to talk to.Not a day goes by that i dont think about u a million times. I miss u so much.I really miss your hugs, even when i was so mad at u,u wouldnt let me leave your house w/out a hug nd a real hug not a fake one like i would try to pull off pretending to hate u. Yeah right that was never possible.I dunno im sure u can prolly see that im kinda lost down hear still just doing the same old stuff feeling kinda stuck like u always felt.Its kinda wierd to see how everone has changed and how wierd things are. Its so hard for me to put things into words and it takes alot for me to try and figure things out to write them out on this site but sometimes my prayers and late night talks dont seem like enough. I guess all i want u to know is that i miss u and still love u lots justin U were always my comfort zone no matter what was going on in my life :)Miss u poopy...listen for me~
Name: a friend
E-Mail:
AIM:
22:35:50 08/26/03
Comments:
Hey Justin. I just wanted to say hello. Everyone misses you a lot. I'm just starting to realize when I look at your picture on this site that I will never see you again in person. It's hard for me to believe because I probably haven't seen you in a year. I just wish I could have known I would never see you again. If I could go back to freshmen year in high school, I would hang out with you all the time until today. We always had good times. I'll never forget them. I hope you aren't mad at me for losing touch with you over the years. I always and will always consider you one of my best friends. Well, I hope you are having a good time up there. Take care of the people down here if you can. I know there are a lot who could use your help. Later man.
Name: lindsay ruiz
E-Mail: holataluvin000@aol.com
AIM:
19:41:36 08/25/03
Comments:
hey baby, well you know i pray for you as much as i can and i think about you soooo much.. especially every time i look at ashton kutcher.. i dont care what anyone says you guys definately resemble eachother and you have the SAME personality's too! its crazy. I remember when "just married" came out and me, krystle, and natalie went to see it.. me and krystle could not help but cry when we saw his face and thought of you..the other day i was in the car with jen and natalie and jen slowed down by your house and we each prayed for u and looked at ur house.. every time i go past ur house i cant help but slow down and think of all the memories. I miss you soooo much and so does everyone justin. It was my first day at JJc today.. it wasnt half as bad as i thought so i was happy about that. But right now i cant help to think of how you would be at home with me riiiight down the street. J we could hang out every day.. just like old times.. Ive been going through some shit lately and i just wanna stop by and say hi so u can make me laugh and ill 4get about all the problems. I still dont drive haha..but i would walk!! I wanna go visit ur parents but theydont really know me so i feel kinda akward.. but i pray for them. Justin I love you soo much and miss you with all my heart.. I hope that you really are peaceful and at rest cuz thats only what you deserve..i still cant help but think why you..... I LOVE YOU .... Love Always, Lindsay Ruiz
Name: Me
E-Mail:
AIM:
17:42:18 08/21/03
Comments:
Hey Justin~ I just downloaded the song that guy posted about on here. Its a good one...I miss you a lot..sometimes it feels like I need you so much and I don't know what to do with myself...all my love just!JUST WAIT BY THE BLUES TRAVELERS If ever you are feeling like you're tired
And all your uphill struggles leave you headed downhill
If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you
And your appetite for pain has drinken its fill I ask of you a very simple question
Did you think for one minute that you are alone
And is your suffering a privilege you share only
Or did you think that everybody else feels completely at home Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come IF YOU THINK I'VE GIVEN UP ON YOU YOU'RE CRAZY
AND IF YOU THINK I DON'T LOVE YOU THEN YOU'RE JUST WRONG
In time you just might take to feeling better
Time is the beauty of the road being long I know that now you feel no consolation
But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud
I say this without fear of hesitation
I CAN HONESTLY TELL YOU THAT YOU MAKE ME PROUD Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come If anything I might have just said has helped you
If anything I might have just said helped you just carry on
Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle
And your appetite for pain may all but be gone I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping
UNTIL THAT SMILE HAS ONCE AGAIN RETURNED TO YOUR FACE
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A FAILURE WHO KEEPS TRYING
Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
Name: ShadowQn
E-Mail:
AIM:
05:24:27 08/21/03
Comments:
I never knew you,found this site looking for a song~ I've had my stepdad and friends take their lives... even thought of it myself...til the realization of SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM! If you could only realized how much all these ppl loved you,how any of them would have done anything to stop the tragedy...some of you reading this may think..what right do I have to say anything,I never knew him..you're right I never knew Justin... but I do know the pain, felt the anguish of emptiness,and the sorrow of it all when I learned of my friends' & my stepdad's early deaths. If any of you get a chance to listen to The Blues Travelers song JUST WAIT, please do & share it with someone who's going through hell... let them know things change, life changes...there is love in the world, & even though things hurt, and hurt so bad that a person would do anything to stop it... including death...you never know whose just around the bend,how life will change for you,...just please pass the words about and remember... suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem... God bless all & hope those with troubled souls find peace~
Name: N.C.
E-Mail:
AIM: Spoolin Spydey
02:22:20 08/17/03
Comments:
Aqeuous Transmission-IncubusI'm floating down a river
Oars freed from their holes long ago
Lying face up on the floor of my vessel
I marvel at the stars
And feel my heart overflow
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Two weeks without my lover
I'm in this boat alone
Floating down a river named 'emotion'
Will I make it back to shore
Or drift into the unknown
Floating down the river
I'm building an antenna
Transmissions will be sent when I am through
Maybe we'll meet again further down the river
And share what we both discovered...
Then revel in the view
Further down the river
Heard this song and thought of you. See you further down the river....
Name: Buss
E-Mail: bbussier@bradley.edu
AIM: LWspring8
02:38:03 08/15/03
Comments:
hey man it's been way to long..... I don't really know what i'm going to say here and i know it's been a long time since i've written... I don't really know what's going on with my life right now.... I live down at school with one of my best friends in his apartment, but as soon as school starts i'm back in the dorms.... I guess it's just weird... I can sit here and say that i really don't believe i've realized you're gone for good yet... even though i can sit here and say it as much as i want it just won't hit me... i don't want it to.. i miss you a lot man and i would give everything and anything to see you again... you know my bday was a few weeks ago... and i can't say that i remember my bday when you and me went out and had the time of our lives cause i don't remember it.... but what i do know is that one way or another you and me celebrated somewhere, somehow, and in our own way cause you and me were a duo and nothing ever took you from my side... i remember everyday you and me together all of soph year and then the dreadful junior year that i regret more than anything.... but we fixed it and senior year we were friends again... and i am so glad we got back together.... we were a team and a great one at that... remember the christmas game now that was a good time... we made teams and everything and of course you had to set up the rules... you were always the organizer, making sure we always were doing something and without you it's just not the same.... our group isn't together anymore really.. at least i don't feel a part of it anymore... i still talk to everyone, or at least try to when i can but since i'm at school and everyone is home it just feels like i'm out of the loop and i hate that... i really miss all our olds times and i'm talkin about soph year my bathroom times hahaha... you and me jay we were the kings of the world... we didn't think anything could touch us.. till our little run in with my car well and yours... together..... hahaha even though that was one of the scariest moments of my life... i can also say it was one of the greatest.. haha you and me untouchable and i'll always think of us that way... i really hope you're not mad at me and i hope that one day i'll finish what you told me you would do someday... and when i do it i'll know that you're looking down on me smiling.... well i guess i should get going.. i have my final for my summer class tomorrow.. wish me luck bud... and I love you too...Buss and hey i'll do my best to take care of everyone... your shoes are big to fill but i'll do my best....
Name: just a friend
E-Mail:
AIM: .
00:45:44 08/15/03
Comments:
Hey Justin, ive missed you soo much! these past months i have been thinking a lot about you, and our fun times!YOU ARE GREAT!!!!! rite now isnt such a good time for me ive been really depressed lately that i have no one to turn 2! often i think that your the lucky one, and sometimes i wish i was up there with you! i miss you soo much, everytime i had a problem you would comfort me and we would talk! i wish i had you here, i need you~ i want you to know i always think about you and will NEVER EVER 4GET YOU!
LUV ALWAYS
JUST A FRIEND
Name: Becky
E-Mail: pookah84@aol.com
AIM: pookah84@aol.com
00:06:48 08/11/03
Comments:
Justin,
I've been thinking about you a lot this week. I spent a lot of time with your parents the other day, and as hard as it was, we could all feel you there with us. It was really good to see them and talk about everything. I just wanted to say I miss you..
Remember when we talked about giving each other that piece of our heart, no matter what happened? You still have mine..take good care of it! Keep watchin out for everybody..we all love and miss you!! Love always, and forever...
BeckyI got the Train CD for my birthday, and this song reminded me of you..I heard it for the first time a few minutes ago... When it rains it pours and opens doors
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry
And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love
That have to say goodbye And as I float along this ocean
I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here And every word I didn't say that caught up in some busy day
And every dance on the kitchen floor we didn't dance before
And every sunset that we'll miss I'll wrap them all up in a kiss
And pick you up in all of this when I sail away Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead
Instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly
But with you I can spread my wings
to see me over everything that life may send me
When I am hoping it won't pass me by
Name: Becky
E-Mail: pookah84@aol.com
AIM: pookah84@aol.com
00:02:14 08/11/03
Comments:
Justin,
I've been thinking about you a lot this week. I spent a lot of time with your parents the other day, and as hard as it was, we could all feel you there with us. It was really good to see them and talk about everything. I just wanted to say I miss you..
Name: a friend
E-Mail:
AIM:
01:00:29 08/08/03
Comments:
-Hey Justin. I only wrote on here once before, but I try talking to you all the time. I'm sure you know that though. I really regret losing touch with you throughout high school. Honestly, you were one of the best friends I ever had. We had very similar personalities. As it is right now, I don't really have many friends. The few close ones I have, I don't see very much with college and all. I know there are others like me who just wish they had never drifted apart from you. You were a great person. You would do anything for anyone. I just want to say sorry for losing touch with you. I would give anything to go back. It was so simple back then. Now things are tough. I can only imagine how tough things were for you. I am not angry at you for choosing the route you did. I have no right to be. I will never know what exactly it was that you were going through. All I know is that I wish you were still here man. I just wish we could go back and be best friends again. Man those were great times. I miss you so much Justin. I will never forget you. Feel free to drop in on my dreams sometime.
Name: :)
E-Mail:
AIM:
12:01:05 08/06/03
Comments:
Gotta picture of you, i carry in my heart, close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark, gotta memory of you, i carry in my soul, i wrap it close around me when the nights get too cold, and if you ask me how im doin id say just fine, but the truth is baby if you could read my mind. not a day goes by that i dont like of you, after all this time your still with me its true, somehow you remain locked so deep inside. *not a day goes by* i still wait by the phone in the middle of the night, thinking you might call me if your dreams dont turn out right, and it still amazes me that i lie here in the dark, wishing you were next to me with your head against my heart. if you ask my how im doin, id say just fine, but the truth is baby if you could read my mind, not a day goes by that i dont think of you, after all this time your still with me its true, somehow you remain locked so deep inside, *not a day goes by*
Name: LEXI
E-Mail:
AIM:
15:42:26 08/02/03
Comments:
Just--
i wish you were here more than ever...i have had a real shitty week. and i need you. bc i know if you were by my side right now you would be able to make everything sound so much better. and you would comfort me and fill my heart up with compliments.---i miss that, and i need that. little skyler misses you just. i miss you, we all miss you....i gotta go
BARAMU...i love you.... always and forever, your lex x0x0x
Name: Kellie
E-Mail:
AIM:
03:00:24 07/31/03
Comments:
Hey babe. Sorry I haven't written in awhile. I guess I have the same excuse as everyone here who has said that, its just too hard sometimes to come here and read all the messages. It's hard to face reality when it comes to this. It is really hard to visit this site. So much has been goin on this summer too. If your watching then you know exactly what im talkin about. I dunno jay, why is it that things feel like they are getting worse before they get better? One thing goes right and the next... its all back to how it was. I just need you right now to help me through the bad times, just please watch over me and everyone else bc I know i'm not the only one who needs you. I love you and miss you sooo much. Love always,
Kellie
Name: Ash
E-Mail:
AIM: crash2620
21:00:20 07/28/03
Comments:
Hey hunny... well I haven't written to you in a while, maybe it's easier to just try not to face it... but I know that you know I think about you all the time. The other night I was at a grad party and these kids were talking about how songs about suicide and killing people are always good songs ( they were prolly about 12 or 13) and I interrupted them and told them that songs like that aren't good songs to listen to. They asked me why I cared and I said I knew people who had done it and it isn't something to make light of... they asked me who I knew and I said my cousin and two of my friends. They looked at me in shock, as if they never knew things like that really happened... one of them just kept staring at me and finally said to me- why would they do that? I wanted to cry Jay because I didn't have an asnwer, I couldn't give them a reason... and I ask myself that all the time-- why? I guess no one will ever really know, and I'm sure it kills every single person who knows you. I guess the point of that story was just to let you know that little things like that happen every day-- that make me think about you, and Jason, and Eric... and I can never help getting angry or just frustrated, but I also want you to know that no matter how mad we were or are at you, it's just because we all would give anything to have u guys back... anything Jay anything... Well I love you babe... <3Ash
Name: Jen
E-Mail: jmedvid@luc.edu
AIM: gabs0705
05:02:51 07/28/03
Comments:
Hey bud,
Well Jay, it's been too damn long since I've seen your smile, and life sure isn't the same. I swear sometimes things just keep getting worse and worse. I'm sure everyone's like this still, but I have my good days and bad days. Tonight my mood was sort of crappy. I got to thinking about a lot and how you think some friends are there for you, but in all actuality it turns out that they're not much of a friend at all. Then there's those that know your name when you need something or when no one else is around. Yea, lately I've been in a position where I can sort of understand how people feel so worthless and desperate, and it's one of the worst feelings in the world. You get to the point where you don't feel like you do right for anyone anymore. Many of the people that I thought I knew have done a 180, and it just amazes me. I don't really have anyone that close to me anymore. I lost my best friend right after you died, many have turned on me for reasons that I'm unaware of or we're just not close anymore, and many I'm just not letting get close bc I don't want to get hurt again.
I've been really depressed, and I can't really vent to anyone. My parents are tired of seeing me like this and everyone else who knew u pretty well has split off into different groups, and it's hard to tell who I can talk to about this.
Jay, I think about u ALL THE TIME. I wonder why you had to do such a horrible thing to yourself, leaving the rest of us here to grieve. Then sometimes I can sort of understand the loneliness you may have been feeling at the time you chose to do this. Many times I feel like I have absolutely no one here. It kills; it really does. To go from a life of set ways for so long to everything being up in the air with no set group of friends, nothing that's definite...it's really hard.
I wish u would have seen all of us here, Jay, I really do. Maybe u'd still be here. That's the problem, though. People forget who and what's important to them, and they don't tell people how they feel nor treat them as they should. As simple as the idea is, telling friends how much you care about them and giving them a quick phone call to say hi every once in a while or hanging out doesn't happen nearly as much as it should if the person is truly a FRIEND. I've learned not to expect a thing out of anyone..that way I won't be let down or disappointed.
Your name comes up time and again, and we miss you so much, Justin. Our lives will never be the same; your life, and your death have made such an impact on all of us. Your death has hit me harder than I ever thought anything would or could. I'm obviously not doing great, and it's been almost about 6 1/2 months. I can sit and pray, I can talk to you, I can sit and let my mind wander all day long, but it doesn't help. It's really hard to make it through the day sometimes, especially when it doesn't feel like the days are getting any better.
I had friends over the other nite to kick back and relax for a while. Bing and I ended up talking about that day w/ u, him, and Ricky coming in the fun bus and him pouring his spaghettio's all over the street. I've mentioned that on here before, but it made for a nice laugh bt us.
Hahaha...Kellie and I just talked about you driving the fun bus around and taking care of one of our *friends* for us. She's been a pain all summer, we just wondered if u could do us a favor. I'm sure you heard all the good things she had to say about u, so I doubt u'd mind. :)
Hmmm, what else? I don't know. I'm just getting ready to go back to school, and I know it just won't be the same. I'll be in an apartment this year, and I highly doubt I'll get the visit from my boys back home.
I'll keep praying for you, all the friends and families you've affected, your family especially, and anyone who feels so lost in life that they're considering suicide. I pray that everyone can appreciate life as much as possible and that they can overcome any obstacle that comes their way. I need a little help in that area, so if you can help in any way, that'd be great. Take care of ALL OF US, Dodger. We miss you like crazy. I really hope that you can see how much we all care about you. I agree with Erin. Many of us are mad or upset that u did this bc u've left us in pain...I just hope it was all worth it, Jay. See u when it's my time..God bless your soul, rest in peace sweetheart.Love always,
Jen For those of you that I don't say enough to, please believe that I AM here for you, and I love you and care about u all very much. No matter if we haven't talked in years and years, I still care. Call me up, I'll show u. Just don't forget about me. They always say "You don't know what you've got till it's gone," well don't wait till it's too late to tell everyone how much u care. I'm sure almost all of us are regretting not speaking up to Jay sooner. God bless you all, good nite.
Name: lindsay ruiz
E-Mail: holataluvin000@aol.com
AIM:
17:25:58 07/27/03
Comments:
wut up jjj dawg.. ok so the other night i was at denny's and my friend grant threw some fries at me and we began to have a food fight it was a good time giggling and laughing... then all of the sudden krystle looks at me and says" linz.. remember that food fight with justin" and the mood totally changed.. i tried not to think about it though... But do you remember like wayy back i think i was a freshman or soph.. it was you, me, krystle, and bing and one more person i cant remember and we just threw the biggest food fight ever at denny;s remember u threw that peice of toast at krystle and got jelly all over her shirt ahhaha Man that was so much fun! Ill always think of that whenever i go to denny's now..but dont worry, ill laugh instead of be sad cuz i know thats what ya want... I love ya Justin alwaysss will! Ill never stop thinkin about ya boy... Love Always Lindsay<3
Name: just in case you forgot ;)
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10:01:55 07/27/03
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The kids screamin, the phone ringin, the dog barkin at the mailman bringin those stack of bills, overdue.. good morning baby how are you.. gotta 1/2 hour quick shower, take a drink of milk but the milks gone sour, my funny face makes you laugh, twist the top on and i put it back..there goes the washing machine. baby dont kick it i promise ill fix it, along with about another million things.. well its ok, its so nice, just another day in paradise.. well theres no place that id rather be..well its two hearts, one dream, i wouldnt trade it for anything, and i ask the lord every night, for just another day in paradise.. friday your late, i guess well never make our dinner tonight at the restaurant, you start to cry .. baby we'll just improvise, well plan B looks like, dominos pizza in the candlelight, then we tippy toe to our room , make a little love thats over due, but somebody had a bad dream..mama and daddy me and my teddy have come in to sleep in between. well its ok, its so nice, just another day in paradise.. well theres no place that I'd rather be. two hearts, one dream, i wouldnt trade it for anything. and i ask the lord every night..for just another day in paradise....
Name: Dana
E-Mail:
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19:04:26 07/26/03
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Hey Jay... I know i havent written in a lil while... i've been thinking about you a lot lately and I dunno... shits really weird. All those dreams that I had and everything. I hope that you are doing better now~ sometimes i get mad when i think about what you did... u know that soooo many of us wouldve helped you out. But i guess u did what u felt u had to do~ I looked in my drawer today of you.. (i have a drawer of ur stuff =) which i'm sure you already know) and i just stared at a picture and got tears in my eyes cuz i couldnt believe that you were ... gone... it feels like u just went on a long vacation or something to get away from things, but the thing is... this vacation is permanent and ur in a place where no one else can visit you until it's their time. Everyone and everything remind me of you.. and sometimes i'll just be busy doing my own daily thing, and u cross my mind. Life is so weird. I can't believe you are really not here though. I was in shock for so long, i think things are finally clicking and i'm finally realizing what life and death is all about. I miss you babe. ilove you!.... forever
Dana
Name: Ryan Piech
E-Mail: ryanpiech@yahoo.com
AIM:
22:46:49 07/22/03
Comments:
May you rest in peace, may God bless you and keep you. We're thinking about you and we miss you. Take care, bro.
Name: erin
E-Mail:
AIM:
02:17:42 07/21/03
Comments:
To Jen Medvid~ i know how you feel. Sometimes i feel guilty for feeling mad at Justin for doing this to us. i mean, how could it not be obvious that so many people cared about him. I would just like you to know that your not the only person who is going through those thoughts and feelings. Its funny how i have so many emotions but have nothing to say. i was visiting em at school last weekend and read what you wrote in her yearbook. I'd never read it before and just had to laugh when i saw that you wrote about me in her book. We have some great memories of you and i think about you all the time. Everything that was and could have been. i get real emotional every time i look at the website so sorry i don't look at it too often. Everytime i want to write soemthing, i start, but it then seems stupid and trivial. I really can't even explain how i miss you, i don't think anyone really can. I hope your happy now, i miss you! but i know you know that.
Name: lindsay ruiz
E-Mail: holataluvin000@aol.com
AIM:
14:27:32 07/18/03
Comments:
hey sweetheart, i know i just wrote yesterday but im always thinkin about you... i miss ya boy.. Love Always Lindsay Ruiz
Name: ~
E-Mail:
AIM:
09:57:00 07/18/03
Comments:
R I P . were missing you more and more each day. enjoy what you have up there.
Name: lindsay ruiz
E-Mail: holataluvin000@aol.com
AIM:
20:43:25 07/17/03
Comments:
hey babe, well i just got back from florida . I had a great time... But.. every single time i looked at the beautiful sky i thought of you. Man i really hope that you are happy up there smiling cuz eventho i get sad when i look at the sky i always give a little smirk just thinking that ur lookin right back at me. Nobody has ever stopped thinking about you so please dont ever think that youve been forgotten. YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN. I pray to you still every night hoping the angels will take care of you, justin. Me and natalie were just talking about ur i.d. picture the other day and i couldnt stop laughing. Man you made the weirdest funniest face ever. Im not gonna say "were" you are the funniest kid alive still to this day. You and Eric were really similar so u are probably best buds up there :) Well i miss you sooooo much and think about you more than you know... Love Always , Lindsay Ruiz
Name: peace
E-Mail:
AIM:
02:10:33 07/14/03
Comments:
Remember the purpose of this sight is to remember Justin and his will. He left for a reason none of us understand. Please just honor his loving ways of your own personal remembrance.
Name: To just felt like writing here tonight
E-Mail:
AIM:
17:21:57 07/10/03
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HEy kiddo you know that you can always call me when we talked last night i knew you were having a hard time and its honestly bullshit that you cant leave your name on here b/c of a few iggnorant people well anyways you know the number 8844 use it i cant even begin to tell you how many times ive needed you and you have been there so im always here for you kid and remember that I LOVE YOU J please watch over her she needs you right now
Name: just felt like writing tonight..
E-Mail:
AIM:
01:42:31 07/09/03
Comments:
Grr Jay. Why does everything have to be like this? Why can't life just be simple? It seems like we come across more and more rough patches everyday. And why does it seem like we often make our lives harder than they need to be? Unnecessary drama, Jay. I've had just about enough of it. It amazes me how everyone was this tight knit group of friends..and then you left us. And for a few weeks we were all there for each other, even those of us who didn't like each other. We put our differences aside, and accepted the fact that life is to short for drama. And then after those few weeks, it was like everyone forgot what we had just gone through together. We started treating each other like crap, and maybe it was because we were all grieving and still are..but its just not cool. I find it so sad that the people I should be able to call up when I'm having a bad day, because they are the only people I know who can really understand what I'm feeling, either aren't there..or they're there but I'm so scared to pick up a phone and call them. You really held all your friends together, Justin.
We always tell people "I'm here for you if you need anything." But do our actions reflect that? We, your friends, more than anyone should know how important it is to be there for people, to make sure they're ok, to make sure they always have someone to talk to or someone on their side. Yet, we are often the ones making their lives harder. Haven't we all learned something from you? I know we have, just some of us need to start putting our egoes and our selfish attitudes behind and start thinking about what it feels like to be in the other person's shoes.
I can't believe you've been gone for six months. I miss you a lot, but I feel you in everything I do. Keep your eye out for those of us who need you. I think in many ways, we all do. Keep shining sunshine..
L.A.A.F ("Til The End")
-Me
Name: Kellie
E-Mail:
AIM:
02:32:01 07/05/03
Comments:
Well I know where Jay is at. He is up in heaven watchin out for all of us. Because he knows how much we miss him and doesn't want to see bad happen to us so he is there checkin in and makin sure we are all ok. RIP Jay! I love u!
Name:
E-Mail:
AIM:
08:50:34 07/03/03
Comments:
Hey, I was just thinking of you. Miss you. If anyone knows where he is at write it in thanx.
Name: lindsay ruiz
E-Mail: holataluvin000@aol.com
AIM:
17:47:58 07/01/03
Comments:
oh man it seems like its been forever.. im sorry this is the first time ive written but their was just so many thoughts in my head i couldnt put them all together.. wow justin you are the greatest guy ever! I remember my freshman year you were in my western civ class and we were kinda shy with eachother.. people are saying justin shy with the ladies what! Later i found out that you and Buss used to talk about "that cute girl in my civ class" i got the biggest smile on my face when i heard that. Man we have had so many memories and ill keep on writing in here when i think of more. Remember me and Krystlewould always just take random rides with you in the FUN BUS HAH whenever we had a bad daywe would always say" lets stop by and see justin" and seriously u would brighten our days beyond belief. Ill never forget when we would always fill up water balloons and throw them at random cars in new lenox or people on the street! hahah Remember we hit that lady at mcdonalds! Ill never forget when we went to Manhattan and lit off fireworks and Krystle was laughing so hard she pissed her pants hahaha! You and her used to come over every day after summer school and we would all just tell stories and jack around! GOD I MISS YOU SOO MUCH! me and andy were just talking about u the other day.. u are the one that hooked us up!! ahah ur like "i know someone that thinks ur hot and ur gonna like it" haha You are the funniest , greatest, most generous guy in the world. I remember when u bought Chrissy a lighter and a pack of cigarettes and her face just lit up cuz she was not used to a guy that was so nice and generous. I could never forget all the times at ur house.. god i cant even put words together right now.. too much for my head to say out loud.. What i think about the most is when i was at ur house about 2 weeks before it happened and i was in ur computer room talking to Rodie and we were having a long conversation and u kept on trying to interrupt and i said hold on.. one more minute... God how i wish i would have talked to u more.. its never anybody;s fault why this happened but u cant stop thinking what could have been... Justin i want u to know that i understand ur feelings.. we are veryyy similar people about the way we think and feel about ourselves and i know i never got the chance to express this to you.. but wow sometimes u remind me.. of me.. i pray to you as much as i can i think about u all the time.. i go past ur house with natalie all the time .. its just right down the street.. and every time i go past i get this feeling in my stomach...a feeling of emptiness. Everyone loved everything about you.. the way u were stubborn, ur wit, and most of all ur good looks :) i wish that u were here so that everybody could share more cherished memories but we will never stop laughing or smiling when we think about you.. I hope that ur happy up there cuz man do you deserve it...Cant wait to see you again sweetheart.. Love Always ,Lindsay Ruiz
Name: Kellie
E-Mail:
AIM:
04:46:56 06/28/03
Comments:
Hey hun! So yeah its about 4 in the morning and I still cant sleep. My nights seem to get more restless everyday. I don't really know what it is that keeps me awake all night. Mostly I just sit here and think of you. All the wonderful memories we had together. I know that I didnt know you as long as Ricky and all them but I feel as if I did. There has been nights like this where I have sat outside just thinking. Looking up at the stars and hopefully you'll send a shooting star or something across the sky for me. I know I say this everytime i write u a message but I miss you so much. Each day that goes by it gets harder and harder to let go. Because I cant. I cant let go of the fact that ur gone. I cant let go all the good times we had and even the bad. God bless you Justin. Watch out for us. I love you!Love always,
Kellie
Name: **ME**
E-Mail:
AIM:
18:08:40 06/23/03
Comments:
One day I woke up
I woke up knowing
Today is the day I will die
Cash Dogg was barking
Went to the park
And enjoyed it one last time
I called my mother
Told her I loved her
And I begged her not to cry
I wrote a letter
I said I'd miss her
And I signed that good byeYou know the happiest day of my life
I swear the happiest day of my life
Is the day that I die Can you feel the cold tonight? (the day that I died)
It sets in, but it's alright (the day that I died)
Darkness falls, I'm letting go (the day that I died)
All alone, but I feel fine (the day that I died) We took a drive and
We drove through DC
To see the places we lived
Long conversations
We talked of old friends
And all the things that we did
Summer nights
Drunken fights
Mistakes we made
Did we live it right? You know the happiest day of my life
I swear the happiest day of my life
Is the day that I died Can you feel the cold tonight? (the day that I died)
It sets in, but it's alright (the day that I died)
Darkness falls, I'm letting go (the day that I died)
All alone but I feel just fine You know the happiest day of my life,
I know the happiest day of my life
I swear the happiest day of my life
Is the day that I die Can you feel the cold tonight? (the day that I died)
It sets, but it's alright (the day that I died)
Darkness falls, I'm letting go (the day that I died)
All alone, but I feel fine Did I live it right?
(day that i die)
I hope I lived it right
(day that i die)
Did I live it right?
(day that i die)
Did I Live it right?
I Hope I lived it right
(day that i die)
Name: Malerie
E-Mail: Ikaidensmamai@aol.com
AIM: IkaidensmamaI
12:06:27 06/23/03
Comments:
hey hunny bunny :) i went to kristens and danas yesterday to take kaiden swimmin, and i came across my sophomore yearbook, and i was reading passages and i came across a section that said "save for justin or you are in trouble" .. and below it was your almost a whole page message..i couldnt help but read it with tears streaming down my face and it was to "mal-ca-poo" i totally forgot you called me that so it was another nice memory to think of..they always do come across my mind .. your name and face go through my mind everyday ... i miss ya tons :) , but im glad we were so close, and we shared soo many memories and good times and bad times, and that i had the privelage to know someone that i could trust with everything..i love ya sweetheart :) be careful n take care :) love, "mal-ca-poo"
Name: ;(
E-Mail:
AIM:
11:38:14 06/22/03
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Hey. I didn't know you at all. You were in my freshman algebra class with MISS. MASTIN...she was tyte. I hope your enjoying yourself now up there. You were so sure on what you wanted. I hope you were right. Take care of my buddy Robert! You guys are prolly catchin all the fine chicks ;) RIP.
Name: Kellie
E-Mail: LWESweety16@hotmail.com
AIM:
03:46:55 06/19/03
Comments:
J-
I've found myself visiting this site almost everyday. But its still hard. I don't know if its helping or making it worse. I was going to this group to see if that would help, but I just cant bring myself to go anymore because it just makes me think of the situation more. Jay u were such a happy guy. I just will never understand why. Why Jay?? I wish so much to know the answer. But its that thought that keeps me awake sometimes all night. Or what if I would have been online that night. I had talked to u earlier that day and I would usually talk to u the same time almost every night, except for that one night. If only I could have gone on at that time that u needed someone. I could have helped you, or gone over to ur house and we could have talked things out. God, if only. I'm so sorry Justin. Look at how many lives u have touched. Everyone's, Jay. You were apart of so many peoples happy memories. But thats all they are now are memories. I can't tell u how many times I have been driving and I could have sworn I saw u driving ur truck. But then i realize that's impossible. Jay, no one can or will ever compare to you. I just wish that someone how I could say goodbye. Only in my dreams I guess. I went and played frisbee golf the other day and remember the day you, ricky, and brandon went sliding around there in the mud and u were wearing ur tight little pink shirt haha. Or when i lost ur good disc in the creek, haha. Actually i think it was 2 of them. I remember driving u home all the time so late at night and you would play the song by Joe "I Wanna Know" all time. Even though i had school the next day, I just loved spending time and being with you. Or when I got fired from Aurelios, ha how could we forget? We had just started hanging out and u came right over and took me out. You were so sweet like that. I could ramble on all my good memories I have with you but i'd be here forever. I love u and hope ur watching over me. Love always and forever,
Kellie
Name: Ryan OIejnik
E-Mail: ryanolejnik@hotmail.com
AIM: prestonmichaels1
18:45:42 06/18/03
Comments:
Hey, I was just reading all of the messages left behind by all of yours and my friends about how they feel about your passing. There is one written by some Brad guy that said he blew you off. He's not the only one to do so buddy. About a week before that fatal day, there was a college bowl game on tv that a few of us were gonna go see at BUDS. Nelson mentioned that we should call you and I said no, that it didnt seem like your ting. I feel guilty because it could have all been different if I called you. Maybe then you would have known that we all cared for you and could have shown it better. A week after the game you were gone, all I thought about was me saying no to you going out with us. God plays some shitty games, ya know? I guess it's his way of making me feel guilty about not asking you to go with us. Take care my friend. I'll see you in a few. Bye. Ryan
Name: ******
E-Mail:
AIM:
13:55:58 06/18/03
Comments:
J~
Hey babydoll, its me, i kno its taken me absolutely forever to write on here, but everytime i start to write it just gets harder and harder to do. Today is the day i finally have been able to bring myself to talk to you on here.You and i kno that i talk to you daily but for some reason i just dont feel as though its helping me. This whole you not being here is so unreal and i dont kno i just cant come to a closure with it and accept it. i believe its mostly because i do NOT want to accept it. jay i love you so much, i just dont understand why you would do something like this to yourself. every day i wake up hoping to see you driving around in your truck or just see you somewhere. just to have one look at your beautiful face again would be indescribable. i was out one night and they guys went to burrito loco and i saw ricky and brandon up there and i was just waiting to see you sitting next to them being a goof ball. but as i waited and waited you just never showed up. its just so weird seeing the boys w/o you and it hurts me so badly. i kno you and i had our good times and our bad times but you and i both kno whenver the other needed something we were both there to help out no matter how mad we were at eachother the day before. and to be honest, i would give anything just to have one more of those stupid fights we use to have over nothing. j, i would have done anything for you and you kno that, why couldnt you just talk to me, i kno you hear this all the time but j any of us would have given anything up just to sit here and talk to you to prevent all of this happening. But i do need to thank you. Because you were on my side last monday. Unless i passed this one class (i needed to pass my final) then i was not going to graduate. and i went in to check my grade in that class, and J i passed. And i graduated. I truely believe that you were there with me helping me through that test. Thank you so much for that it meant a lot to me! and when we meet again i'll be sure to give you the biggest hug ever for it! There are a million things i could say to you right now but im just at a loss of words. The only thing i can think of to say is that i love you so much and i miss you more then words will EVER be able to describe. i just want one more day to spend with you, or just one hug, or even just one word would satisfy me. i miss you uncontrollably and w/o i have been a wreck. i cry all the time. just laying in bed you will cross my mind and a tear will just fall from my face. Lately a lot of people will talk about killing themselves or just stupid things like that, and not even be serious and j i seriously still flip out. i cant control myself i just get so angry at them for saying it. and i kno they dont mean it but to me life is to precious. i lost you and i felt as though i lost a part of my heart. there is a piece of me that you now have with you up in heaven that one day when im up there i will get back. but as for now its just a void in me that nobody can replace to make feel better, because all i feel is sadness. its just not real and its to hard to accept. i kno that i am just rambling and saying random sentences that i am sure dont even make sense right now, but i am just trying to get out everything i need to say (even though i kno this isnt all of it) and i just type it as i think it. so im sry if this is all just one big mess of words, but you kno what i am trying to get at. There was one night, it was me and my boyfriends 7 months. and he asked me if i wanted to lay outside with him. and as we were laying out there i felt you. i just looked up at the sky and i felt you there with us looking down just smiing. and i just had a tear come to my eye and i dont kno, anytime i look up in the clouds at the sky i feel you with me. i kno you are up there looking down on all of us. well for now this note will come to an end but im sure i'll be back. J make sure you take care of everyone, especially ricky and brandon nd your mom and dad. they miss you ! But babycakes i will leave on this note....I promise to see you again someday, no goodbyes! I LOVE YOU!
Name: Becky
E-Mail: pookah84@aol.com
AIM: pookah84
12:50:52 06/17/03
Comments:
Hey Babe-
A million thoughts run through my head every night before i fall asleep. I talk to you until i'm asleep, and often meet you in my dreams. I can't describe the emotions i feel every single night of my life. Some days it seems as if i've gotten used to it..its become a habit. Some nights i just can't handle it. This week alone i've been up tossing and turning every other night. I kept Joe up the other night talking to him about what i was feeling. He feels the same things. So do a lot of people.
I know to some people the month we spent together was short, but that bond we shared is something no one else will ever understand. When i think of everything we shared..the memories, the secrets, the late night conversations, the advice, the laughs..it brings tears to my eyes, but not as much as it brings a smile to my face. That month we shared was a tough time in my life, and you brought so much fun to it. I will forever be grateful for that. You always joked around that you would wait 67 years for me, now its as if its my turn to do the waiting. But let me tell you, when the time comes and I get to see your smiling face, and embrace your loving arms, it will all definitely be worth the wait. The last few nights you've come to me in dreams, and when i wake up all i want to do is go back to sleep, just so i can be with you a little longer. As much as i know all of these questions will be left unanswered, i sit here still just wondering why..but what you've said to me in my sleep does help.
This summer has been a ton of fun so far, but its also been pretty messed up in a lot of ways. There are a lot of things I could get pretty upset about, but I think of you and realize how precious life is..how you can't just worry about the little things. People look at me and think that I'm just letting people walk all over me...its not true. I just know that its dumb to get worked up about the little things in life that really don't matter. You've taught me to always cherish the good times...
I miss you. Justin. Everyone misses you. It amazes me the people I come across that knew you, and can't express enough how they miss you. Like how I ran into Megan that I was really good friends with when I was little...and we get talking, and after a few minutes I find out she was in your prom group...or those guys at Nissan...everyone misses you. You impacted so many lives...I just wish you knew...
The other day I guess I made a "face" and Joe said "Whats that face for?" ...I wanted to scream, "No thats what Justin's supposed to say to me!" But I just laughed thinking about it. You're in my thoughts always...
Sorry for rambling, J. I miss you so much. Please watch over all of us...we really do need it. Love always...
and forever,
"your lil devil"
Becky ***It's like the wind...I can't see it, but I can feel it***
Name: brad sheehan
E-Mail: irshcrs1229@yahoo.com
AIM: irshcrs1229
02:50:07 06/17/03
Comments:
funny how it goes, what happened seemed like something from a movie the last time i talked to u. u tried talking to me, and i basically blew off our conversation because i didnt feel like talking. now all i picture is u wanting someone to talk to, but keep getting blown off by everyone. and im just one of those people. i always prided myself because i thought i was unique, but the truth is im no different than anyone else. i didnt even end our last conversation with a positive note, i kinda just blew u off. i hope it wasnt a cry for help, because it seems i had my fingers in my ears..... sorry man.
Name: ****
E-Mail:
AIM:
02:06:07 06/12/03
Comments:
Jay-
Just sitting here thinking about all the good times we had together. I'm still such a wreck without you here. I graduated yesterday. I hope you were there watching. It's going to be hard to move on and leave everything behind. I was looking through pictures the other day and found some of u that i havent seen in awhile. You were so happy. It just brought back alot of good times and memories. Memories that I will have in my heart forever. As I move on to this next chapter in my life, I hope you will always be there to help and guide me through it. I love and miss yuou like crazy.R.I.P. Jay
Always and forever,
Kellie
Name: Jen
E-Mail: jmedvid@luc.edu
AIM: gabs0705
02:30:16 06/10/03
Comments:
Well Jay...it's been a while. WAY TOO long. I miss you like crazy, bud. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you, think about how that night went, the thoughts going through your head, hearing about the call from Bob to Ricky, poor Ricky and the vision that will never leave his memory, your parents and dealing with the loss of a son, and all the family, friends, acquaintances, and the complete strangers that have been affected by the very selfish choice you made. I pray for you every day that God is taking care of you and making sure he understands how amazing you were, Justin. I would love for Him to not hold this against you, although you have hurt SO many people; it's unbelievable. I would love seeing you dance around with all the hot angels..especially the chinks. ;) You deserved the best, kiddo. I'm sure you had no idea how happy you made us and how much you meant to all of us . I stopped by to see your parents a little before I left for Hawaii. It sure was hard being in the house. Seeing all the pictures and the computer room made it rough. Emotions ran high, but I fought to hold back the tears. I know your parents need all the strength they can get. I'll stop by there again soon, but it doesn't even feel like your house without u there, Jay.
Somehow it seems that no matter where I go suicide is brought up. It's gotten easier to talk about, but it's still absolute hell to think about. If I let myself think about everything, I just slump to the bottom, get depressed, and feel worthless. I don't feel like I ever did enough or gave back enough. I live with regrets now, as do many people. We want our Justin back. I'll never understand; no one ever will. Ya know, Jay...as much as I love ya and miss you, I am getting very frustrated. There was a teenager in Cali when I was there that last week that spun out of control and got killed after he got hit by a Suburban. Recently there was a child sick with cancer that didn't make it. Moral of the story: they didn't have a choice. Their lives were taken/ ripped away from them. For some reason, God needed them. These people who wanted to live..gone like that. I guess I just don't understand how you could give up as you did and not feel that life was worth living. Honestly, what the hell was so bad, Justin? And why couldn't we see it???? You were so blessed; I wish you realized it. I really hope that you're free from pain. I hope that it was all worth it. It sure as hell isn't the same without you. It will never be the same again; too much has changed, and we can't go back and live in the past. We miss your famous smile, your incredible personality and sense of humor, and most importantly....your friendship. You worked wonders for us, babe, and you'll continue being missed. I am truly grateful for the relationship we had, Justin; no one can replace you. Please watch over everyone, as we're still so lost without you. Help us get back on track from the bumpy road you created. As I ramble on and on, I see that I need to get to bed, but I needed to write first. I still can't believe it's been 5 months. I honestly didn't know how I was gonna make it through this, and trust me, it hasn't been easy. I wanted to give up, Justin. I didn't know how to deal with this-try to stay strong for everyone else, especially Ricky since he needed it the most. Well..I failed at that one; I'm too emotional. So, we've been going our separate ways, and I've had to start over. Maintaining even a friendship w/ him and the boys is a headache; I can't win. Help me find a happy medium. Take care of everyone else who's still in pain. I know Kellie needs a booster...I'm trying. We love you, Justin Dodge. May you rest in peace..you're in my prayers, always. God bless your soul. Love always,
Jen
Name: Kellie
E-Mail:
AIM:
01:27:11 06/09/03
Comments:
It's been awhile since I've found the courage to even come to the site again. It's hard to come here and read all the wonderful things people have to say about you bc it just reminds me of how much I miss you. Because I do so much. I can't even express in words how much I miss you. Everday I find it challenging to overcome that feeling of sadness. Everything is just all screwed up right now Jay. I need you here to help me through it all. I got the Crash cd the other day and I keep playing song #41 bc I know it was one of your favorites. Everyone of the songs reminds me of you bc we would listen to it all the time when we were in your truck. God Justin, I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I miss you more and more everyday, ur all i think about. I know we had alot of rough times but I always loved u know matter what and I of course still do. Just please watch over me and help me get through all this and if your watching then u know what I'm talking about. There is so much I want to put here and tell you but I think you know all that is and has happend. Just give me the strength to get through it. I love you and miss you more than you will ever know. Kellie
Name: Becky
E-Mail: Pookah84@aol.com
AIM: pookah84
00:23:33 06/09/03
Comments:
Hey Babe-
I miss you tons. I've just been sitting around thinking about a bunch of stuff tonight. As I'm writing this and start thinking, I realize that exactly five months ago we had our last conversation. I can't believe it still. At times it still seems so unreal. Its crazy how the littlest things make me think of you sometimes..or how many coincidences i've come across. Its seems like atleast once a week I start talking to someone I know, who knew you...but we never knew it. Sometimes it feels like its your way of letting me know you're ok. If so, thanks babe.
I'm going to go lay down and talk to you before I go to sleep...be prepared, I got lots to talk about..
I miss you more than words, J! Keep watching out for all of us..I know a lot of us need it!Love always..and forever..
"Your lil devil girl"
Becky "..and when the stars fall I will lie awake..you're my shooting star"
Name: Jenna
E-Mail:
AIM:
21:45:09 06/08/03
Comments:
hey jay, i met up w/ some of the guys recently and it wasn't complete. i was waiting for you to come into the group and just bring a special light that surrounds you. You are a beautiful individual with so many stregnths and goodness inside you. It saddens me so deeply in my heart that you won't be able to live life to the fullest, the way you wanted. I love you and miss you so much every day sweetheart... thanks for coming into my dream the other night. It was great to see you active and having fun... that's how we will always remeber you. Please watch over that one person I keep praying about. He really needs your guidance and love. I love you so much Dodge...
Name: Mrs. S
E-Mail:
AIM:
20:15:35 06/04/03
Comments:
To Justin's Mom,I know you have heard this many times before, but I am truely sorry for the loss of your son Justin. Know your Justin is an angel watching over you and the rest of the family. In time you will be able to feel this. I know this feeling because my son was taken from me too 2 years ago. I know this is a hard road for you to travel, but you will learn to survive just as I have. The good times you shared together will come more freely in your thoughts and know one can take those away from you. Be patient in your grieving process, and roll with the rollercoaster of emotions. Remember to take the time for yourself. God bless you and your family.
Name: me
E-Mail:
AIM:
16:52:14 06/04/03
Comments:
Justin,
Hey i was just thinking of you today. As I pretty much do everyday. Time is suppose to heal all, they say, but to me it just seems like time makes everythig sink in and realize what happened. I mean sometimes i try to understand and sometimes i just dont want to understand. I mean...I dont know...To me I think life is the biggest challange to come by. To be a kid. To have fun. To not have any idea what your gonna do with your life. To have a family. To have kids. To have a career. To have finacial problems. To have all that. THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR CHALLANGE JUSTIN. But you skipping that and missing out on all that will make the people that loved you so very much make so much more of what they will expierience in their lives. I'm not gonna say what you did was for the best cuz your problems are gone now. And Im not gonna say that It was GOD's plan. Cuz i dont believe it was. But what Im saying is that you opened up a door for a lot of people. A lot of people out there that love and care about you have problems just like any other. If even the thought of doing something like that would ever come to us now, we take a second and think about what we all had to go through, and realize that not any problem in the world, any sleepless night, any bad grade, or any rejection could add up to the hurt and suffering others must go through walking into a funeral home and know that the person laying there isnt ever gonna be there again the next day. I cry for you all the time Justin. I cry for you pain. I'm sorry you had so much anger inside of you. I wish I can see you smile again but i cant and thats my pain. Thats my suffering. Justin your one of a kind and no one can replace the impacts you have made in all our lives. I miss you boy.My Love forever and always
Name: LEXI
E-Mail:
AIM:
11:42:22 06/04/03
Comments:
Just--
I really just wanted to let you know that I love you and I miss you so much. I drove by your house a few times this week and one of the things I miss more than ever is stopping by there daily. You are my all. I cant wait till I see you someday...
BARAMU I love you always and forever-your lex x0x0x
Name: For you Justin
E-Mail:
AIM:
14:05:19 06/02/03
Comments:
Three
You were one, one of the three
One in three must find some peace
You were one, one of the three
I need proof before belief
Oh, well, you just knew they'd come for you
So it was suicide, suicide
Oh, well, now you got just what you want
I hope you're satisfiedOne of the three, one of the three, one of the three, one of the three
You were one, one of the three
One in three must find some peace
You were one, one of the three
I need proof before belief
Oh, well, I guess you're not to blame for what they've
Done in your name, in your name
Oh, well, it's a shame you got so famous for a sacrifice One of the three, one of the three, one of the three, one of the three
One of the three, one of the three, one of the three, one of the three
You were one, one of the three
One in three must find some peace
You were one, one of the three
I need proof before belief You sent forth your lamb to the slaughter
You sent forth your lamb to the slaughter
You sent forth your lamb to the slaughter
You sent forth your lamb to the slaughter
Name: For you Justin
E-Mail:
AIM:
14:04:47 06/02/03
Comments:
Three
You were one, one of the three
One in three must find some peace
You were one, one of the three
I need proof before belief
Oh, well, you just knew they'd come for you
So it was suicide, suicide
Oh, well, now you got just what you want
I hope you're satisfiedOne of the three, one of the three, one of the three, one of the three
You were one, one of the three
One in three must find some peace
You were one, one of the three
I need proof before belief
Oh, well, I guess you're not to blame for what they've
Done in your name, in your name
Oh, well, it's a shame you got so famous for a sacrifice One of the three, one of the three, one of the three, one of the three
One of the three, one of the three, one of the three, one of the three
You were one, one of the three
One in three must find some peace
You were one, one of the three
I need proof before belief You sent forth your lamb to the slaughter
You sent forth your lamb to the slaughter
You sent forth your lamb to the slaughter
You sent forth your lamb to the slaughter
Name:
E-Mail:
AIM:
13:55:28 06/02/03
Comments:
You got just what you wanted, i hope your satisfied.
It's a shame you got so famous for a sacrifice.
Miss you lot's, always thinking of you!
Name: Mal
E-Mail:
AIM:
10:14:36 06/01/03
Comments:
Heyyy hunny! :) just sayin hi and see how ya were doin ;) .. me and my mom were talkin about you last night .. i was packin up some stuff and found the picture of you and her at my old house. She stared at it for awhile and then said "god, he was such a cutie" .. she misses ya too! :) and then i came across the cd cover that you stuck the tim mcgraw cd in and you wrote "its your love on it", and then #8 ( the song you were always singin being the sweet talker that you were! haha :) ... i still have that usher cd, i now listen to #8 all the time.. its the only cd of my cd collection that i didnt throw away :)
i was talkin to jeno a long time ago, the last time he was home, and you know jeno .. he cant forget about embarassing things that happened to people and i had thought he forgot about the "chocolate pudding" .. but NOPE he didnt, never fails .. he brought it up, but i skipped over it so save us both the embarassment! :) welp imma get goin, i got more packin to do :) i miss ya sweetie pie ... love, malibu
Name: Chris
E-Mail: webmaster@gayamateurworld.nl
AIM:
23:27:38 05/31/03
Comments:
It's so verry sad to see that so many young people died. I do not know you guy, but i hope that where ever you are, is a better place then the one you have leaved to fast.
Name:
E-Mail:
AIM:
22:22:39 05/27/03
Comments:
Hey, I wish you were here. I am graduating finally. Still can't believe, I miss all the stuff we talked about in math last year. Always thinking of you. RIP.
Name: Jennifer Alex
E-Mail: williamdodge68@yahoo.com
AIM: Jennifer & Alex
12:36:12 05/27/03
Comments:
This is all so confusing. In one way i feel that this is a morbid website, in another i feel that this is a good way for people to deal with their grief. Justin was my cousin and it seems that everyone else was much closer to him than I was. There is a whole lot of questions from his fathers side of the family. We dont know what happened to him, what type of person he was, why he did it, how did it, where he did it, who found him, how the family is dealing with it and most importantly anything that gives some idea of who he was as a person. I know it seems that it strange to ask these questions when I'm a family member, but when a family is seperated by family differences and distance, I dont know who else to turn to. I'm hoping someone can shed some light on this for his lost side of the family????
Name: ~!~!~
E-Mail:
AIM:
19:52:46 05/25/03
Comments:
hey justin!
I really needed someone to talk to! ive been having such a hard time with everything. ive had so much bad luck that i dont even know what to do anymore! i wish u were here to talk to me cuz i feel like i have no friends that really understand whats going on! i cant stop crying about everything thats going on now, i really miss you. i hope we meet again! i will never 4get you please give me strenght to get through all this.
thanks
luv you
Name: **************
E-Mail:
AIM: **********8
22:21:50 05/24/03
Comments:
Hello, well I really don't know any of these people who have passed away but I was just woundering why you have left some people out who have died over the years. One of my very best friends died in 2000 and not too much is written in the year book about her and nothing on here I just want to know why these people and not her?
Name: *****
E-Mail:
AIM:
17:24:30 05/24/03
Comments:
Glad you're back. I can't believe how much I missed you not being here everyday.
I love and miss you Jay.
Name: Krystle
E-Mail: Kryst2@hotmail.com
AIM: SuprSNL
23:46:30 05/19/03
Comments:
just thinkin hard about you summer is coming around and i member when we went to summer skool everyday together and then hung out everyday afterwords at lindsay or to the mall or sumtin or or wrestling matches of kisses...or the fourth of july when me you and lindsay took the fun bus out in manhattan to we dont even know were and you set off fire works and it woke the somewhat of a neighbor hood and it shot at me and i scram and laugh so hard i had to run and go pee in the ditch....i havent laughed that hard in a long time and you tried to watch and tackle me and kiss the shit outta me like you always did.....god i miss those kisses....i love you babe and i always will i wish you were still here so you could make my life fun and exciting like you always did now its just the same old and boring and i jsut need a touch of justin dodge to make it all better.....for real....i love you and you unforgettable and it jsut aggitates me that you cant be back here with us...it really gets to me and i wish you wouldnt
have done it.....i dont think im ever gonna get over it.....i never will.....i just hope i can be with you again some day and you greet me with your famous kiss.....i love you my darling and i always will.....rest in peace..live it up in heaven..... always and forever ~Krystle xoxxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxox
Name: Em
E-Mail:
AIM:
17:47:30 05/17/03
Comments:
Hey Jay...
haven't written in awhile, but i'm home for the weekend, and whenever i'm home from school i always make a point of routing my afternoon runs down wood st. past your house. and i always think i catch just a glimpse of you chillin on the porch or jetting out the door b/c we were late to school in the morning. i'm heading back to champaign tomorrow, but i know you'll be right along side me, along with everyone else.
we miss and love you even more.xo,
darth
Name: Mari
E-Mail:
AIM:
23:32:07 05/15/03
Comments:
Jay~
Sorry I haven't written in so long. Everyone still misses you so much. I think about you all the time, especially when i look in the rear view mirror! I saw Brandon tonight, we were talking about the time when you almost fell off the front of the truck, we always had fun. I love and miss you always! Love,
Mar
Name: Mari
E-Mail:
AIM:
23:28:14 05/15/03
Comments:
Jay~~
Sorry I haven't written in a while. I still think about you every day, especially when i look in my rear view mirror!! Everyone still misses you so much. I hope to God you know that. I saw Brandon tonight and we were talking about the night you almost fell off the front of the truck, we always had fun. I love and miss you always. Mar
Name: someone
E-Mail:
AIM: dmblvrantmrching
18:53:25 05/14/03
Comments:
who ever you are that is hurting you have to reach out to someone please life is so worth living there are so many people that are here to help all yo have to do is say the words I know sometimes its hard espically if your a guy you don't want anyone to know that your hurting but please if you don't talk to me talk to someone
Name: 000
E-Mail:
AIM:
13:58:47 05/14/03
Comments:
it is still so unreal that someone like you would do this. Now another kid followed your foot steps did the same. All the shit that has happened in my life i lay in bed and think how much better this world would be if i were just dead. And then i think about my parents and what your paretns went through. and what all you friends are going through now still after it has been awhile since it has happened and it put more burden on my shoulders becaues i don't want to do that to anyone but i hate the person i am lately. and nothing i do is ever right. i don't put out enough effort or i don't do well enough in class. finals are here and im not ready to face any of this shit. it feels like i want to so bad but i can't put to ease in the back of my mind how selfish that would be becaus so many people rely on me to alwasy be there for them. and i don't mind that but who do i go to, everyone says they are there for me but no one really understands what is going on im my head, im a fucking lunatic. i dream or pretend teh way i want my life to be and it will never be that way and i still dream and if im a lone pretend it is that way just to get a glimpse of being happy again.. i havent smiled i odn't think since november. i do my fake laugh and i just sit around strumming the guitar or playing some frisbee golf and just try to disappear. become someone else and not worry about where am i gonna work, what is gonna happen with my grades, how is that gonna work out and when will i fall in love again. why does it hurt so bad, and yet i still can't drive myself to were you did. what hurt you so bad that did this. i can't understand it and it kills me because everyone saw the signs be we didn't realize those were signs until it happened. why is all i can ask...
Name: Becky
E-Mail: pookah84@aol.com
AIM: pookah84
07:26:40 05/14/03
Comments:
Hey Babe-
So I've come to the conclusion that you are really doing some creative work up there. Seriously, what else would bring me and Zac together like that? We went to the same school all year, dealt with the same things, and didn't even know each other. Then I come home for summer, start struggling with everything again because of certain comments, and next thing I know I am eating dinner with one of your best friends who I don't know at all. Sometimes things happen and it just amazes me. Thanks though, I needed that talk.
Anyways, it got me thinking ten fold, and I barely slept last night..just tossing and turning. So here I am at 6:45 writing to you. I've been doing the "What if?" thing all week, and I know I need to stop it..so does everybody else who believes in some way they could have done something more. Nobody should feel that way. Grr, I just miss you.
Sorry, J. This really I guess is about nothing, I just needed to write this morning. I loved listening to Zac talk yesterday, especially when he was telling stories like you guys tubing in the creek..haha. Well thats it. Keep watching out for me..you've been doing a pretty good job.."I'm impressed anyways."I miss you more than words
Love always, and forever..
"Your lil devil"
Becky "..and as the stars fall I will lie awake..you're my shooting star."
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